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This week I got All-Star Batman & Robin #7, Countdown 31, Wonder Woman Annual, Teen Titans #51, Uncle Sam & The Freedom Fighters, Batman #669, Green Arrow: Year One #5, & JLA: In-Justice League of America #13. I've read all but Uncle Sam, Batman, & Green Arrow so...
Review time!
Review time!
Let's start with the one that's pissed me off the most so far, In-Justice League of America... First of all, what the fuck is with the art?! Did everyone suddenly become anorexic or something? My goddess, someone get Black Canary some curry or something, this woman needs food! Seriously though, Joe Benitez needs to stop looking at the models in Vogue for inspiration in drawing superheros. These girls are muscular and strong, not string beans. Sheesh.
Attempting to push that in the back of my mind though, and it's seriously hard, the next thing that bugs me is Poison Ivy. Just being in this whole Injustice league dealy is completely out of character for her.1) She's a loner who perfers the company of plants to humans, the only solid exception being Harley Quinn. 2) Though insane her crimes are relatively focused. She goes after those who harm plants and those who try and stop her from harming those who harm plants, she doesn't go all group attack and go after someone she's never really tangled with before for no reason like that. 3) What was with that hair?!(yeah another shot at the art, so sue me) Conclusion: It was a stupid cameo, some weird attempt to cram as many known & avalible rogues into the plotline no matter they're personal background.
Back-pedaling let's do this properly...
The opening page. It's so funny looking I stared for a good 10 seconds then burst out laughing. My Goddess, him in that straight jacket with the overly muscular legs and angry scowl it makes me think of some sort of freaky dinosaur/chicken thing. Seriously, I was done for the moment I saw it.
His, Batman's, struggle to get out of the straight jacket was also amusing though not so much. I like how his cloak suddenly appears once he's free of the jacket, cause there's no way in hell it was tucked in that thing. On to the next page, something stuck me as odd that Batsy goes to rescue Wonder Woman, it feels off to me. I'm not saying he's so cold as to abandon a team member but... oh that's it(or part of it at least)! How the hell does he know she's there?! For all he'd know she's still at the Meat Locker shaking it up with half dressed Trojan men, try saying that outloud in a crowded place. Sure it's possible they told him or that freak Bat sense thing that's developed in the past few issues with him kicked in, but I'm still not buying it. Another thing I'm not buying is that chair thing they have Wonder Woman strapped in. My goddess, what the hell is that thing?! Hmmmm... *dirty thoughts*
Okay so Batsy fails runs into Joker, Lex, Cheetah, Gorilla Grodd, & Dr. Light and he's never heard from again. Literally, that's the last of the Bat for this issue. Blah.
Moving on we take a look into to see what's going on with in the Hall of Justice with the non-captured members of the JLA and it's OMG?! ANOREXIC BLACK CANARY!!!! AHHHHH.... Ahem, I digress. I promise that will be the last outburst on that. Maybe. Hopefully... So... everyone is concerned. They suspect Wondy is captured because Hawkgirl got away and told them about the ambush. All they know about Batman & Red Arrow is that they've been out of contact for "three hours and 20 minutes..." (Did she always have that watch there?) The solution? Split up and investigate, Scooby Doo style. So come the battles that are completely pathetic compared to the JLA: Wedding Special battles.
Green Lantern, Hawkgirl, & Red Tornadoe vs. Killer Frost, Shadow Theif, Fatality, & Poison Ivy. The dialoge was corny at best, especially the Green Lantern battle banter...
Green Lantern: Should have figured you were in on this, Fatality, complete with your new sinestro ring.(might as well have thrown in a 'read sinestro corps NOW' box)
Fatality: HYAHH! *swings at him with weapon*
Green Lantern: I hate that thing. *takes weapon w/ his ring*
Fatality: Give it back!
Green Lantern: I don't think so.
Can we say L-A-M-E? It's like a freaking five year old wrote it or something. And did I need to see him vomit during the equally corny Poison Ivy intro? Blah.
Leaving that battle, assumingly tilting in the villian's favor, we are greeted by Superman and OMG?! ANOREXIC BLACK CANARY AND VIXEN!!!!! AHHHH.... Ahem. So while Black Canary wonders off on her own we are greeted by a 'touching' Superman/Vixen moment. Superman confronts Vixen about her change in her powers(that she can no longer channel animals but rather draws on the powers of her fellow JLA members) and assures her it's completely alright. He goes on to say that he paired her up with him so she's getting premo superpower juice working in her favor, okay so it wasn't quite worded like that but you get the picture, and that she should just be more honest about it in the future. As much as I want to have some issue with this exchange I think it worked well enough so I'm not touching it... not now anyhow...
Thus brings us to battle numbah du! Black Canary, Supes, & Vixen vs. Dr. Light, Gorilla Grodd, & Cheetah. Dr. Light and Gorilla Grodd go the way of Fatality(remember kids: bad battle dialog is a serious killer) and it looks like Cheetah's screwed until... Oh nos! She brought Parasite along. Sucking the power out of Vixen they find Superman weakened as well, what with her siphoning off his powers. The battle rightly turns in favor of the villains. Next thing you know in steps Black Lightning to even the odds only to have all the villains along with the ambiguously anorexic duo teleported out of there leaving Supes & Lightning exchanging looks of 'WTF?!' Just as they begin to wonder aloud to one another 'what are they going to do now?' Lex steps in with the corny ending of 'I'm glad you asked...'
*cue 'i just entered dracula's castle and he steps forth from the shadows' music*
Hmmm... typing that out actually calmed me down to not hating it so much, not to say I care for it any. I both want to see what's next but if this shittyness keeps up...
Attempting to push that in the back of my mind though, and it's seriously hard, the next thing that bugs me is Poison Ivy. Just being in this whole Injustice league dealy is completely out of character for her.1) She's a loner who perfers the company of plants to humans, the only solid exception being Harley Quinn. 2) Though insane her crimes are relatively focused. She goes after those who harm plants and those who try and stop her from harming those who harm plants, she doesn't go all group attack and go after someone she's never really tangled with before for no reason like that. 3) What was with that hair?!(yeah another shot at the art, so sue me) Conclusion: It was a stupid cameo, some weird attempt to cram as many known & avalible rogues into the plotline no matter they're personal background.
Back-pedaling let's do this properly...
The opening page. It's so funny looking I stared for a good 10 seconds then burst out laughing. My Goddess, him in that straight jacket with the overly muscular legs and angry scowl it makes me think of some sort of freaky dinosaur/chicken thing. Seriously, I was done for the moment I saw it.
His, Batman's, struggle to get out of the straight jacket was also amusing though not so much. I like how his cloak suddenly appears once he's free of the jacket, cause there's no way in hell it was tucked in that thing. On to the next page, something stuck me as odd that Batsy goes to rescue Wonder Woman, it feels off to me. I'm not saying he's so cold as to abandon a team member but... oh that's it(or part of it at least)! How the hell does he know she's there?! For all he'd know she's still at the Meat Locker shaking it up with half dressed Trojan men, try saying that outloud in a crowded place. Sure it's possible they told him or that freak Bat sense thing that's developed in the past few issues with him kicked in, but I'm still not buying it. Another thing I'm not buying is that chair thing they have Wonder Woman strapped in. My goddess, what the hell is that thing?! Hmmmm... *dirty thoughts*
Okay so Batsy fails runs into Joker, Lex, Cheetah, Gorilla Grodd, & Dr. Light and he's never heard from again. Literally, that's the last of the Bat for this issue. Blah.
Moving on we take a look into to see what's going on with in the Hall of Justice with the non-captured members of the JLA and it's OMG?! ANOREXIC BLACK CANARY!!!! AHHHHH.... Ahem, I digress. I promise that will be the last outburst on that. Maybe. Hopefully... So... everyone is concerned. They suspect Wondy is captured because Hawkgirl got away and told them about the ambush. All they know about Batman & Red Arrow is that they've been out of contact for "three hours and 20 minutes..." (Did she always have that watch there?) The solution? Split up and investigate, Scooby Doo style. So come the battles that are completely pathetic compared to the JLA: Wedding Special battles.
Green Lantern, Hawkgirl, & Red Tornadoe vs. Killer Frost, Shadow Theif, Fatality, & Poison Ivy. The dialoge was corny at best, especially the Green Lantern battle banter...
Green Lantern: Should have figured you were in on this, Fatality, complete with your new sinestro ring.(might as well have thrown in a 'read sinestro corps NOW' box)
Fatality: HYAHH! *swings at him with weapon*
Green Lantern: I hate that thing. *takes weapon w/ his ring*
Fatality: Give it back!
Green Lantern: I don't think so.
Can we say L-A-M-E? It's like a freaking five year old wrote it or something. And did I need to see him vomit during the equally corny Poison Ivy intro? Blah.
Leaving that battle, assumingly tilting in the villian's favor, we are greeted by Superman and OMG?! ANOREXIC BLACK CANARY AND VIXEN!!!!! AHHHH.... Ahem. So while Black Canary wonders off on her own we are greeted by a 'touching' Superman/Vixen moment. Superman confronts Vixen about her change in her powers(that she can no longer channel animals but rather draws on the powers of her fellow JLA members) and assures her it's completely alright. He goes on to say that he paired her up with him so she's getting premo superpower juice working in her favor, okay so it wasn't quite worded like that but you get the picture, and that she should just be more honest about it in the future. As much as I want to have some issue with this exchange I think it worked well enough so I'm not touching it... not now anyhow...
Thus brings us to battle numbah du! Black Canary, Supes, & Vixen vs. Dr. Light, Gorilla Grodd, & Cheetah. Dr. Light and Gorilla Grodd go the way of Fatality(remember kids: bad battle dialog is a serious killer) and it looks like Cheetah's screwed until... Oh nos! She brought Parasite along. Sucking the power out of Vixen they find Superman weakened as well, what with her siphoning off his powers. The battle rightly turns in favor of the villains. Next thing you know in steps Black Lightning to even the odds only to have all the villains along with the ambiguously anorexic duo teleported out of there leaving Supes & Lightning exchanging looks of 'WTF?!' Just as they begin to wonder aloud to one another 'what are they going to do now?' Lex steps in with the corny ending of 'I'm glad you asked...'
*cue 'i just entered dracula's castle and he steps forth from the shadows' music*
Hmmm... typing that out actually calmed me down to not hating it so much, not to say I care for it any. I both want to see what's next but if this shittyness keeps up...
NEXT! All-Star Bats time! For those who don't recall I view all-star Bats to be a complete joke. If I dared to take it seriously I'd shoot myself, or at least Frank Miller. That said... Love the dialog in this. It's hilarious, Batman laughing like some deranged freak while thinking 'Striking Terror, best part of the Job.' If there's a better opener I don't wanna see it. Combine this with him setting them in fire then calling them cockroaches and 'sweetheart'(or was that shot at black canary? I'd like to think it was for the guy who's face he was pounding on) all while Black Canary looks on getting turned on by his violence. Lmao. Black Canary AND Batman?! Who woulda thunk it. My goddess that had my ribs aching.
The conversation about the Batmobile nearly killed me...
Black Canary: What, you've got a car? You're the goddamn batman and your need yourself a goddamn car?
Batman: Sure I do. I'm not the one who can fly. Although that idiot doesn't even know he can fly... Batmobile find me.
Batmobile: Very good, sir. Right away, sir.
Black Canary: Bat-mobile...?
Batman: Not one word. I've taken enough grief about calling my goddamn car the goddamn batmobile. I'm the goddamn batman and I call my goddamn car whatever the hell I want to call it.
Black Canary: Whatever you say, man of mine. That's just a totally queer name for a car, is all.
This dialog must write itself. I mean damn. errr... goddamn. That's hilarious. The Joker himself couldn't do better, albeit the Joker thinks quite a number of unfunny things are infact funny but that's completely beside the point.
Poor Dick Grayson, he's gone crazy. Or not, I mean who else wouldn't cut a rat in half with and ax and eat it for hissing at them? *cough*yepithinkhesquiteinsanenow*/cough* The rest isn't very funny, just straight forward though the Joker card at the end alluding to the answer of who hired the man to kill Poor Dicky's father certainly puts a smile on my face. Can't wait.
P.S. Bleach don't work that way Batman...
(click for full view)
The conversation about the Batmobile nearly killed me...
Black Canary: What, you've got a car? You're the goddamn batman and your need yourself a goddamn car?
Batman: Sure I do. I'm not the one who can fly. Although that idiot doesn't even know he can fly... Batmobile find me.
Batmobile: Very good, sir. Right away, sir.
Black Canary: Bat-mobile...?
Batman: Not one word. I've taken enough grief about calling my goddamn car the goddamn batmobile. I'm the goddamn batman and I call my goddamn car whatever the hell I want to call it.
Black Canary: Whatever you say, man of mine. That's just a totally queer name for a car, is all.
This dialog must write itself. I mean damn. errr... goddamn. That's hilarious. The Joker himself couldn't do better, albeit the Joker thinks quite a number of unfunny things are infact funny but that's completely beside the point.
Poor Dick Grayson, he's gone crazy. Or not, I mean who else wouldn't cut a rat in half with and ax and eat it for hissing at them? *cough*yepithinkhesquiteinsanenow*/cough* The rest isn't very funny, just straight forward though the Joker card at the end alluding to the answer of who hired the man to kill Poor Dicky's father certainly puts a smile on my face. Can't wait.
P.S. Bleach don't work that way Batman...
(click for full view)
Let's look at another comic that has some potential to suck yet did alright this week. Want a clue? It's number doesn't refer to the issue number. Yep, it's Countdown 31! Why didn't it suck? Well it looks like I might have my dream of seeing Jimmy Olsen blow up fulfilled. *le sigh* A girl can dream can't she? I mean all I want is Olsen guts spewed all over the place. He's an annoying little twat that I've disliked every since learning of his existence. How could one not hate him with his overly optimistic view of superheroes and devotion to his 'pal' Superman?
I don't care to go into this issue beyond the fantasmic villain profile at the end:
I don't care to go into this issue beyond the fantasmic villain profile at the end:
That aside we now come to Teen Titans #51 and there's a bit to say...
Ignoring the cheesy eye shots(or in the case of Cassie, lip shot) we find ourselves 9 years in the future with Kon-El. He complains of how the present day Teen Titans still remember the future and aren't too keen on fulfilling it. Lex Luthor, or as Kon-El says 'Pa', listens and offers this bit of advice: "We fight." So begins the battle of future T.T. vs. modern T.T. sans actual battling as none quite like the idea of harming themselves(doncha just love that time travel nonsense?)
So we are greeted by the only bit of Blue Beetle in the entire issue, a filler page really so that upon the turn of a page you're greeted by the two page splash meeting of future T.T. & present day T.T. I lol'd. Why?
Come on, you KNOW that Tim Drake as Batman is hilarious and always will be.
Anywho the two groups are soon distracted as it's reported that Starro is now at large and causing destruction and whatnot and, seeing as future T.T. kidnapped & imprisioned the JLA, it's up to them to save the day. So they go off to do this leading, to a couple of mini-problems arising. Though before I go into that a word... on Starro.
WTF?! I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THIS... IT'S A FUCKEN GIGANTIC STARFISH FROM OUTERSPACE?! Right up there with the egg dude really. lmao. Now back to your regularly scheduled reviews...
So they fight. Though not before there's a moment of jealousy as Cassie mopes over watching future Superboy(aka conner clone) fly with future Cassie. Once that's over they come up against Starro attatched to Brimstone. Kara charges in, Kara gets her arse handed to her, Kara meets the Druid King and gets up close and personal with some trees. Cassie charges in, Kon-El & Future Cassie commentary on her abilities, Future Cassie decides to help to avoid her younger self getting killed(though not before Kon-El accuses her of crushing on Tim).
Across the country M'Gann goes against a starro controlled Scorch, nearly getting her arse handed to her until future M'Gann steps in and helps out telling her it's time she face her fear of fire. Not too far off in a burning building BatTim broods about Cassie and Conner while RobinTim struggles to save the day. Starro-controlled Prometheus decides this whole future titan and present day titan thing is getting annoying and starts to fight RobinTim.
In the middle of the country Ravager fights Starro-Controlled Livewire & Rampage while Kid Devil, Future Kid Devil(aka Red Devil), and future Flash. When Kid Devil goes to help her his future self holds him back telling him that she needs to die. Thus, it implies, poor Rose is offered an invite to the WiR club. Bitches. I'm holding out hope on this one though as it doesn't show her dying so maybe she'll live. I hope so, if she doesn't I'll be uber pissed...
Back to RobinTIm though he's about to get his arse handed to him when 'wheeee!', he shoves Prometheus out a window. Nice how heroes are so caught up on anti-killing philosophies yet think nothing of shoving someone out the window of a multistory building in which they may die anyways or... I don't know... stab their new husband in the neck with one of his arrows... or some other crazy thing like that. Ahem... getting back to the story line. BatTim tells RobinTim he must decide now how he feels about killing to make any difference. RobinTim hits him, BatTim drops his gun, RobinTim grabs said gun, states 'I will make a REAL difference starting with...'
How wrong is it that at that moment I started going "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!!!"
Maybe it's my leftover loathing of Jason Todd or dislike of Dick Grayson's emo bitchiness (aka nothing personal against Tim), but truthfully I really don't care for Robin. *shrug*
Ignoring the cheesy eye shots(or in the case of Cassie, lip shot) we find ourselves 9 years in the future with Kon-El. He complains of how the present day Teen Titans still remember the future and aren't too keen on fulfilling it. Lex Luthor, or as Kon-El says 'Pa', listens and offers this bit of advice: "We fight." So begins the battle of future T.T. vs. modern T.T. sans actual battling as none quite like the idea of harming themselves(doncha just love that time travel nonsense?)
So we are greeted by the only bit of Blue Beetle in the entire issue, a filler page really so that upon the turn of a page you're greeted by the two page splash meeting of future T.T. & present day T.T. I lol'd. Why?
Come on, you KNOW that Tim Drake as Batman is hilarious and always will be.
Anywho the two groups are soon distracted as it's reported that Starro is now at large and causing destruction and whatnot and, seeing as future T.T. kidnapped & imprisioned the JLA, it's up to them to save the day. So they go off to do this leading, to a couple of mini-problems arising. Though before I go into that a word... on Starro.
WTF?! I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THIS... IT'S A FUCKEN GIGANTIC STARFISH FROM OUTERSPACE?! Right up there with the egg dude really. lmao. Now back to your regularly scheduled reviews...
So they fight. Though not before there's a moment of jealousy as Cassie mopes over watching future Superboy(aka conner clone) fly with future Cassie. Once that's over they come up against Starro attatched to Brimstone. Kara charges in, Kara gets her arse handed to her, Kara meets the Druid King and gets up close and personal with some trees. Cassie charges in, Kon-El & Future Cassie commentary on her abilities, Future Cassie decides to help to avoid her younger self getting killed(though not before Kon-El accuses her of crushing on Tim).
Across the country M'Gann goes against a starro controlled Scorch, nearly getting her arse handed to her until future M'Gann steps in and helps out telling her it's time she face her fear of fire. Not too far off in a burning building BatTim broods about Cassie and Conner while RobinTim struggles to save the day. Starro-controlled Prometheus decides this whole future titan and present day titan thing is getting annoying and starts to fight RobinTim.
In the middle of the country Ravager fights Starro-Controlled Livewire & Rampage while Kid Devil, Future Kid Devil(aka Red Devil), and future Flash. When Kid Devil goes to help her his future self holds him back telling him that she needs to die. Thus, it implies, poor Rose is offered an invite to the WiR club. Bitches. I'm holding out hope on this one though as it doesn't show her dying so maybe she'll live. I hope so, if she doesn't I'll be uber pissed...
Back to RobinTIm though he's about to get his arse handed to him when 'wheeee!', he shoves Prometheus out a window. Nice how heroes are so caught up on anti-killing philosophies yet think nothing of shoving someone out the window of a multistory building in which they may die anyways or... I don't know... stab their new husband in the neck with one of his arrows... or some other crazy thing like that. Ahem... getting back to the story line. BatTim tells RobinTim he must decide now how he feels about killing to make any difference. RobinTim hits him, BatTim drops his gun, RobinTim grabs said gun, states 'I will make a REAL difference starting with...'
How wrong is it that at that moment I started going "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!!!"
Maybe it's my leftover loathing of Jason Todd or dislike of Dick Grayson's emo bitchiness (aka nothing personal against Tim), but truthfully I really don't care for Robin. *shrug*
Now for Wonder Woman Annual #1.
Lovely cover.
Positively beautiful. I quite like it. *opens it up* Terry Dobson seriously does not disappoint here. My goddess it's lovely. Sure he sometimes doesn't know when to hold off on the big boobs but still. Gorgeous.
Since the story of this one is broken into two parts, complete with different penciler/writer for each part, it will be handled as such. This part of the review covers, well, the first half. It starts with Wonder Woman basically fighting every enemy she's ever had and thensome, why? Who knows. We obviously don't need that knowledge nor are expected to care. This is a superhero, villains attack 'em, sometimes in groups. 'nuff said.
((finish later...))
Lovely cover.
Positively beautiful. I quite like it. *opens it up* Terry Dobson seriously does not disappoint here. My goddess it's lovely. Sure he sometimes doesn't know when to hold off on the big boobs but still. Gorgeous.
Since the story of this one is broken into two parts, complete with different penciler/writer for each part, it will be handled as such. This part of the review covers, well, the first half. It starts with Wonder Woman basically fighting every enemy she's ever had and thensome, why? Who knows. We obviously don't need that knowledge nor are expected to care. This is a superhero, villains attack 'em, sometimes in groups. 'nuff said.
((finish later...))
